Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Turning Tables...

What? Turntables?!

Man, I wish. If I had a turntable and some vinyl right now, I'd make Alvin and the Chipmunk records like I did back in the day. But alas, 'tis not the topic of mine discussion.

It hasn't been that long since I was in grad school. Maybe... three years since I graduated? Sounds about right. Seems I started teaching Fall 2009, meaning that I graduated Summer 2008, meaning I started Spring 2007. So I guess it was four years since I started, and two and a half since I graduated, give or take. In the grand scheme of things, not all that long since I was a student.

And now I'm a teacher.

Well, a college instructor, to be exact. Feels kind of strange to be on the other side of things. Yet, here I'm finding myself eating pizza and reading PDFs on JSTOR. Feels a lot like grad school. At least this time around, it's more pleasant. This time around I don't have a boyfriend who tries to discourage me from doing my work. This time around my boyfriend encourages me and tried to build me up, rather than tear me down. I still have trust issues, but Jerome treats me very well and is patient and understanding of my insecurities. Obviously it's not all peaches and cream, but it seems to work quite well.

I'm by no means an optimist. Or an optometrist. But I do agree that hindsight is 20/20. Looking back I recognize various behaviors exhibited by Kris that simply were mild forms of abuse. I hope to not use this as a crutch, but to learn from it. To recognize these behaviors for what they were and to move on, understanding that I am, as Jerome has to remind me daily, a special and important person.

It's probably a good thing that I have kept correspondence from Kris. Now that I am distanced from the situation I can see the relationship for what it truly was. Jerome is by no means perfect, but neither am I (though I wish we were). However, we seem to have gotten along rather well this past year.

Anyway, I suppose I should get back to reading my academic essays. They are more enjoyable this time around. Maybe it's because nobody told me to read them. Or maybe it's because no one is telling me not to.

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